I hope you brought your umbrella
At peace
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Today, my soul and heart are happy.

This past week has been fantastic, filled with friends and fun and meaningful conversation. A good friend of HBan, Brain and Paddon came and spent a few days with us, and after he returned to his home in B.C. yesterday, I felt restored and slightly repaired internally. Greer is hard to describe, because although I’m not very spiritual at all, he is one of those rare people that have an aura so bright, you can’t help but want to be around them. It’s difficult to write this without sounding like I’m smitten and overcome with some new-age philosophy ideals, because that’s not the case. He embodies what I wish I could be, someone who completely goes with the flow and doesn’t worry about plans and structure and the mundane. I think that’s why I’m drawn to him like a magnet, my soul sees how free-spirited his is, and mine wants to learn from his. Greer lives for rock-climbing and snowboarding, not for possessions and money and all the other trappings of Western society. After he took a trip to Africa and saw how people lived there, he returned home and had an extreme reverse-culture shock and sold most of his possessions. He told me that after April 15th, he will have no ties to anyone or any thing. His contract at work will be up for the summer, his lease will end, and he will be able to do whatever he wants, and go wherever he pleases. He seemed so nonchalant at the prospect of these major life changes and the uncertainty surrounding the end of all of his commitments. I couldn’t believe how calm he appeared about everything; because I know that I would be in a full-blown state of panic if I was in that situation. I’m already freaking out about what I will do when I return home from India, in regards to a job and my debt repayment plan. Not only do I feel my soul was drawn to his due to my desire to live a simpler and more relaxed life like the one that he leads, but also because of all of the things we have in common. We have a mutual love and respect for nature, a wanderlust that will never be sated, an appreciation of books and art, and a thirst for knowledge and further enlightenment. The two of us seem to be a wonderful mix of yin and yang, complementary but not exactly the same. It’s rare to find someone who you can connect with on that level, and I love what a sense of contentment it brings. Greer’s spirit is like a feather that softly landed on my soul, gently made a profound impact, and then floated away in an updraft, moving on to the next resting place.

One of the most amazing aspects of all of this is that although it was amazing to have Greer’s presence in our lives for those few days, I’m not distraught over his departure last night. These are not the words of a love-sick girl hoping for a miracle to occur (i.e. a relationship), although I think that we would be an interesting fit as a couple. I feel as though this connection was deeper than one on a physical level, but different from the psychological one that attaches me to someone like Spanish moss clinging to trees. I am at peace internally, which hasn’t been the case for three months. Now that I know that there are connections with men that can be much more meaningful than a physical attraction or a desire to be in a relationship, I feel like I’m calmer. There are people out there that feel the way I do about so many things, people that draw me to their spirit with a siren’s call. He gave me a long goodbye kiss before walking out the door for who knows how long, and rather than feel immediate sadness and loss like I have a history of doing, I was just happy. Goodbye kisses usually make saying goodbye so much harder, but last night, it was saying “See you again soon” rather than goodbye. I can’t put my finger on why this time is so different. Sure, I will miss the calming effect he had on the apartment, the relaxed way he approached life, and I will long for that in times of chaos that will surely pop up soon… It’s weird. Maybe it’s because HBan warned me that even if he and I did hook up, a relationship would never happen. Perhaps I braced myself and my brain ignored a key component of what contributes to my usual yearning for a relationship. Regardless, I feel completely happy with the way things were left.

I have been contemplating something that Holly said in passing one day, months ago. She asked “What makes you think the guy for you is in Calgary? You want to travel around the world; there are so many people you are going to meet in the future.” It has remained in the back of my mind, a seed of thought waiting for the right conditions to grow. It sprouted yesterday into something I contemplated for hours, instead of gave a mental glance at. In a way, it took off pressure that I have placed myself under. So what if I don’t find the man of my dreams in Calgary? Maybe I will find him in Australia when I move there in four years. Maybe I will meet him tomorrow at the Farmer’s Market. Maybe I will meet him in India when I explore the country and myself. Why worry about it? He will come, when my life is ready for it. Until then, I just want to enjoy myself as much as possible. I may be single, but I am surrounded by amazing people every day. I would love to find a guy to date, but it will happen eventually. (I say this now, but I’m sure pretty soon I will panic and go back to berating myself for not having a boyfriend. Oh well.)

All I know, and care about currently, is that I am content and I’m in a good place. For today, that’s more than enough.

Ashley @ 10:15 PM

% Comments for 'At peace'

  1.  
    rick
    March 18, 2012 | 5:00 PM
     

    Are you so happy now that you don’t feel the need
    to post to this blog?!!? 🙁

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