I hope you brought your umbrella
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I give up.

It’s so hard to go through my day and pretend that I am fine with everything. Okay, so HBan doesn’t want me as a bridesmaid. Why does the end result mean that I have lost an entire group of friends? What happened between HBan and I has no bearing on anyone else, yet everyone is disappearing. Why has Holly walked away too? It’s so hard to feel as though two of three people who were my “best friends” are totally fine with walking away from a friendship that once meant so much. I don’t understand. I’ve tried to keep the friendships together, but they are in tatters. No one asks to see my new place. Now that I’ve moved out, it’s like I’ve moved across the world.

I feel completely alone. Everyone I know has moved forward without me, and are barely bothering to throw a backwards glance. All I want to do is buy a one-way ticket across the world, not tell anyone I’m leaving, and restart life. I suppose that’s a step forward from my old inclination to just end my life, right? Look, we’ve all moved forward.

When I fly to Florida in May for the cruise, perhaps I won’t get on the boat. Maybe I’ll stay in Florida, disappear into the crowd, and never be heard from again.

Ashley @ 6:55 AM

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